“This will either be like dunking on children in public, or when the kid who is actually the next Lebron James completely humiliates an adult in front of his close friends and family.”
DUMB DRAGONS ADVENTURE
Round 1: FIGHT!
Chapter 1 of Dumb Dragons Adventure, L. Lachance, 7 years old:
“Hi! I’m D.D. That stands for Dumb Dragon. My friends are: Connor the fat cow, Luke the lazy lion and Kyle the koala bear.”
(a penis may have been half-erased)
Extract from Chapter 1 of Blu Swag, L. Lachance, 27 years old, (available June 4th):
“Bob believed that people stumbled around, talked, danced, consumed, and watched, but the earth, for the most part, didn’t remember us… seasons changed… it grew life-draining-hot, and then snot froze inside your nostrils… laws were passed… a few people sold land to another few people, who sold it to everyone… a pair of lungs expanded on a planet that rotated within a galaxy, within a universe – itself within universes, on universes, on universes. It was a lot to think about – whether your thinking mattered – when you had to wake up, and do things, regardless. At Ella’s elementary Show and Tell, he told the girls to stay away from boys. He told the boys to stay away from Ella and offended the teacher with a joke about watches and washrooms before leaving with a high-five. Bob got drunk at school fundraisers, razzing parents. When he missed an event- sick; hung-over- the mood was lighter. Bob-less, they were free to discuss partisan politics, driving routes, affairs, the weather, or what had happened in the forest, sharing photos on smart phones. Bob owned a fax machine.
Ella showered when Karen entered the house. Her little brothers scurried to remove clumps of peanut butter from a dogs’ fur, with plastic scissors. Karen believed in the power of dialogue to bring Change- yes, capital C, in the Obamian- and was conscious of her rhythm when she spoke: Letting a word hang in the room, allowing the full force of the letters to sink down, pressing out an impact in a subtle way, like the taste of cinnamon in a latte. She had a few listeners in the house- one always wet from the shower, two others bright red with guilt- but the value of her words was hard to judge, seeing that the listeners had come from her uterus and had been introduced to The Facts Of Your World through her words- this authority illuminating empty spaces on a map of knowledge with her voice- bringing a slight bias. When Bob walked through the front door, the kids seldom changed what they were doing. His words moved forward, like a bus: Instead of pulling people over, he picked them up. In this way, Karen and Bob acted out the tired Good cop, Bad cop dichotomy – as though there existed objective standards of either – and even the dog cowered during her speeches on nutrition. Ella was for the most part quiet during the talks but the boys were hard to keep still. The oak grandfather clock bonged on, indifferent to the words. It had rung in the house for generations and was the first object in the house that Bob described to visitors.”
purchase the full e-book or first edition print of Blu Swag this June 4th!