Find me

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Find me. Find her finding people to sift through. Find them in class, hearing words about a genocide over bananas, googling new grocery stores. Find the person in the lab, contrasting numbers. Find her on the keys at night, touching, never pressing, etching circles on a ledger line. Find them on the computer, scrolling through photographs, selecting, saving, liking, loving. Find her rejecting the cover band, preferring anything unique, ting of spoon on pint glass. Find him hunting down ideas to disagree with, the comments footer a better place to hide than bottles. Find her buying wood, screws, straight angles. Find him touching sleeves, shaping hierarchies of style for the week. Find them preferring women when they are quiet, telling sisters not to wear makeup. Find me.

colour by Elian & Seth

words by L. L. 

Parents against Parrots

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A switch flicks, darkness brings silence, a glass smashes, a seven year old enters the kitchen, to the argument.
Dad?
Go back to your room, everything’s okay
Can I have a drink?
Just hold your horses, there’s broken glass
Can I have a drink?
Listen to your father, and go back to your room, please,
If I go back to my room, can I have a drink?
We’ll come see you soon. Jenn, I’m saying there’s no question that the system as it stands now in Ontario has been extremely effective in giving preference to young Catholic people and allowing opportunities to have a strong education.
You’re quoting him again.
I’m saying that our government has done everything in its power to strengthen the system that exists – and that means having a strong Catholic education system.
Really- her now? And what would you say, if, say, they cut funding to Catholics, and chose Hindus instead?
I really believe that the system as it exists should be strengthened, with an aim to cooperation, multiculturalism, and tolerance
I guess, well, what politician is going to engage the majority of their support base, and the christian lobby? Who wants to lose their job over that.
The debate had gone on three hours of wine too long. They went from discussing graffiti- stuck on the idea that modern art, hanging in galleries, was the climax of ‘good’ art- to the politics of tattoos- everyone will regret them, because we don’t have any- returning finally to the debate whether there were, well, dilemmas in only paying for Catholic schools from everyone’s taxes. The news was designed to share talking points, it seemed, and muzzle their critical, independent ideas.

Politics aside, Catholic schools teach our kids values, to go and do things, not just to sit around and talk about it, or repeat things they’d heard

WOW so everyone who isn’t Catholic just talks about the weather?
Values, I’m saying, of helping others, to be selfless, to be human- things you couldn’t learn on your own
You have no faith in people- is that ironic?
Jenn, I’m saying, how would you think to pack up your things, save your money, and go teach black people in their country how to be civilized? Education, that’s how-
Oh you’re just quoting the commercial now. I never understood all the clips of people in other countries: how was their suffering related to your white school board attempt to win over some parents-
Our kids went to save them, Jenn: Don’t act as though it wasn’t worth anything
mom mom I think everybody should just drink juice, can I have some

colour by ccekios

words by L.L. 

Fuck the Millenials

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Kids. Millenials. Fuck the Millenials and their electronic orgasms. Things were better before, when you were judged by how well you could act on the phone, instead of on Facebook: It was more natural. Fuck the Millenials and their tattoos and selfies and their waiting on Instagrammed asses for Baby Boomers to retire, itching to snap out to work, like snakes in jars. I remember a time when people really interacted in public, and sat alone on trains reading newpapers, instead of reading on their phones. Fuck the Millenials and their mortgage free apartments, filled with cats instead of kids, producing kittens. I remember a time when a good wife raised children and cooked and cleaned and a man, if a good man, worked, didn’t gamble too much, and didn’t cheat too much. Fuck the Millenials and their questioning capitalism. I remember a time when we knew that the world was about to end, because of communism, because of evil Russians- just look at the villains in film. Fuck the Millenials and their questioning colonialism. I remember a time when the world was perfect, when countries were white or black, rich or poor, and you could draw a line in the fucking sand: Civilized on the Northside, Barbaric on the bottom. Fuck the Millenials who question us.  

 

This piece of satire shared the art of Frau Isa and the fiction of L. L. As a piece of satire, it was intended to criticize the desire to romanticize the past, and to demonstrate how human beings become frustrated when they feel that they do not understand something. We believe that the generational divide is the classic example of this frustration and romanticization, where the old criticize the young for acting differently: Frustration is taken out against new trends that they do not understand, as they romanticize how things used to be, believing that the way they acted at that younger age had different motives. These older individuals, or, ‘haters,’ as say the Millenials, deserve credit because they are acting out of a place of frustration, as human beings do, and are not inventing the tendency to romanticize the past. We used satire as a tool to bring light to these extreme criticisms of the Millenial generation- typically those born after 1980. We believe that, by examining the roots of why we hate, it will help us to provide help and move forward, together, instead of picking fights against individuals. We need to give people more credit, regardless of age- Baby Boomers and Millenials included. 

 

Leaves & Branches

4fd725e02e93dda6a65e345b539a1c2dFlywheel, clutch disk, crankshaft. Breaking it down to understand why it worked the way that it did. No, not how. Fan belt, rocker arm, alternator. You will itemize the parts, yes, all of them, for the project, with a brief description of their function, yes, every one, and how they affect the engine when it is running- it’s the logical place for us to start the class. Wise words from Telford, AUTO 1102A. Breaking down a family photograph to figure how odd shapes fit. Black palms smudged a hand-drawn draft of the 2010 Camry 2.4 litre, fingerprints smearing a tin hood, near a dent from the past winter. Bent, imperfect. Her mother out for the weekend, the garage cold, a window might have been left open, or the furnace had stopped working, but she wasn’t sure, and who was to blame her.

Her friend left when the heavy work was finished. Alone, with cylinder separated, she considered how their tastes were so different, seeing that their brains were formed under similar variables, having grown up in the same neighbourhood- over two fences- with similar families- alcohol holidays, massive debt- leaned on the same desks- MPS, NGDHS, The Gonq- and dated the same guys- straight white drunks. Twice, they dated brothers.

She liked Buzzfeed, her friend: Reddit. Maybe that was it. Her friend liked Vine, her: Youtube. Her: Gmail, Dropbox, Wikipedia. Friend: Yahoo, iCloud, Google. Mac? PC. Samsung? iPhone. Identical wiring soaking up different images and words to influence different tastes. She dropped the box wrench. She played out the thesis, considering how it explained her friends’ preference for pubs (from watching Arcade Fire and Chvrches videos) while she preferred the club (Drizzy VEVO).

Separating fan belt from crankshaft pulley, she compiled a list of things she had learned from the internet in 2013:  

1. Haters own keyboards 

2. Miley Cyrus invented grinding

3. People are happy on Facebook

4. All Americans own pistols

5. All gay people are white

6. All black people can dance

7. All hipsters rock beards

8. “Québecois” means “Franco-Québecois”  

9. “Anglo-Québecois” means “quiet”

10. Traveling makes you intelligent

11. Lizard people are a legitimate concern

12. Over 6,000 Québecois-white-tailed-deer were hit last year

 

She put aside the blueprint and tore out a new page

 

Things Learned Independent of The Gonq Buzzfeed Wikipedia Facebook Youtube Friends & Parents

 

 

words by Liam Lachance

colour by Naran Jalidad 

DESTROY PARC LA FONTAINE

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take away the tourists, the hipsters, the families

take away the seniors

take away the guitars, the bongos, the singers, the accordions

take away the homeless

take away the flowers, and lock up the mowers

take away the blind, whose vision of the place was illuminated by the smells of spilt Cheval Blanc, cigarette and charcoal barbeque

take away the water- drain it away- and plug up the fountain with cement

take away the first dates, the talkers, the shy, the too-cool-to-drink-non-organic-juice kids, the sex workers, the second, third marriages

take away the coffee cups and styrofoam boxes, wine bottles and green tops of Kiosque Mont Royal strawberries

take away the drugs

take away the music

take away the lights: Gut electricity from dépanneur fridges

take away the curd from La Banquise

you can’t take away how the light of fireworks fell through trees: How the branches split apart the light to produce nets of shadow, bending phosphorous light to tattoo blue faces black. When we met under the leaves.*

colour by Mugluck  Parc Lafontaine, Montreal, 2013. Tous droits réservés Mügluck
words by Liam Lachance

e-mail me baby

legit

They wouldn’t have found each other on a PlentyofFish search. 

          IsabelleXoxx: looking for fun
          Franco-Québecois
          22
          Likes: movies that start with credits, lobster
          Interesting Story: virginity lost on picnic table
          Interests: recommending healthy food via Facebook, diving, watching people in cafés

          MarcusForLife: LIFE IS A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTION    😉
          Anglo-Albertan
          28
          Likes: bloopers at the end of a solid flic, lizards
          Interesting Story: lost v-card in Diddy’s limo #SWAG (!)
          Interests: kegstands, Micky Ds, BURNINGMAN ’08-’11

No, without a mutual dentist, they wouldn’t have met, let alone shared some seriously awkward first date dialogue: To Isabelle’s story on training her husky to defecate without a raised leg, our sly Marcus responded with yeah? Only touched one, really, at dinner.

        Oh?

        Oh, ha, no: It was on vacation.

        Oh.

As though being on vacation cancelled the fact that you had eaten a dog. Committed murder- but it was on vacation! In any case it wasn’t the stuff of those Hollywood movies between attractive white kids, but maybe that was the point: The desire to know how you could live like that, eat dog, kept them talking. Part personality-colonialism, sure- how cute, you’re so abnormal– but it worked, and they snapped together like puzzle pieces that need different shapes to fit. Pieces that wouldn’t have snapped online because they would have  ticked boxes to search for themselves. For dog-eaters. People-watchers.*

artwork by Jaci Banton