“When Surviving Is Too Difficult”
They say that genius and madness are two sides of the same coin.
Well, my genius is elusive—I am descending into madness.
I feel crazy. Genuinely crazy. I feel as if an intangible, impregnable, unidentifiable force is weighing down on me, is clouding my mind.
It limits my judgement and tests my patience. I am struggling to break free from my own self-imposed shackles.
It is difficult to be strong when I feel so mentally and physically weak.
The bones in my body are frail, my sanity is fragile. The bones in my body do not form a skeleton—they form a carcass.
I am carcass.
Inside this carcass is emptiness, but the emptiness has a heaviness of its own.
I am a victim of my insecurities.
I am overwhelmed by my shortcomings.
I am burdened by my expectations.
For some of us, surviving is too difficult. I am tired of battling against my own mind.
I am tired. I am tired. I am tired.
My mind is an incredible thing, its capacity is endless; yet it continues to torment me.
these words by Fiona Williams were inspired by the colour of Alex Andreev